a++ would smuggle into space again

I'm twenty one now! I was twenty-one on November 29th, actually, but I have kind of fallen off the face of my life. It isn't that I'm being particularly antisocial, it's just that I look up and realize that my unfulfilled obligations have become this massive rolling Indiana Jones boulder. I know from past experience that the only way to defeat the boulder is to just start doing things, but somehow it's so much easier to listen to radio plays of Carmilla and fantasize about getting into La Maupin's pants.

Anyway, being twenty-one is pretty okay I think. People sent me some lovely birthday wishes and I went and saw the LA production of Equivocation with a few friends. It wasn't as good as the Ashland one -- they went for modern costumes, which, uh, no, and also Sharpe wasn't John Tufts and Armin wasn't Gregory Linington who are two of my True Loves of Ashland, and Cecil was just bad. But! Shakespeare was Joe Spano, and he was pretty good, and Judith was McGee's Sister Troian Bellisario, and she was pretty good, and my favorite character in the play, Henry Garnet, the Jesuit love of my life not counting robots, was played by the Mayor from Buffy, and he was amazing. Just fantastic. It's hard to do Garnet badly, I guess, but, well, he went so well from the fatherly tension of Garnet and Shakespeare in the cell to the cough 'brotherly' tension of Richard Burbage and Shakespeare having a fight! So wonderful.

It did raise the question in my mind of how to do Cecil right. Cecil is the main villain (if you haven't seen the play you may know him as the son of the guy from this Kate Beaton comic) and he has a severe limp. I was under the impression that this was historical, although I'm not as sure about this now, but let's assume that it is historical and not just a douche move by Bill Cain. It means that you have a political operator, sometimes sympathetic but usually just conniving, with a major physical deformity of the kind usually used for some pretty ablist symbolism. Is there any way to play Cecil as a character with a limp who is also "twisted" instead of Cecil as a character with a limp who is therefore twisted? Should you cut the limp entirely? (Presumably the Richard III resonances wouldn't work quite so well, but his hump was imaginary, too.) Considering his role as a Cheney analogue, does he have to be sick in some fashion to draw the parallel to Cheney's heart disease, or is it superfluous? How would you direct it?

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I have to wake up in four hours to get on the road for six, and I want to die a little bit, because I am wide awake. I mean, completely, may never sleep again wide awake. So, here is my DVD commentary for skin is, my.

( ba-rring, ba-rring, ba-rring, ba-rring )

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Hey, flist/rlist. This is a call for help. I'm reading a bunch of articles about the expulsion of the moriscos, and it looks like the best journals are in Spanish and Arabic. My reading Spanish is okay but not up to a scholarly level, and my reading Arabic, uh, doesn't exist. Right now I am looking for a translation of primary sources in Spanish, for which I'd be willing to compensate you in some fashion -- fic or icons or music, yes, but also, er, monetary. Be warned that I would be wildly lowballing you, I cannot afford to pay a real translator for a term paper. There are 17 documents and I would pay per document, not per word.

If you'd be interested or you know someone who would, email me: nextian@gmail.com

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Oh, Yulechat. Regarding "Operation Pablo [Sandoval]," in which he, quote, "for the first time in his life ... is eating vegetables":



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From Facebook: nextian has just found a reformation-era How Come? book. "Wherefore is it, that old folkes sneeze with more pain then young?" "How comes it that Eunuches are so extreamly moyst?" "Wherefore is it, that a dog of all other Animals, remaines lynde or fastned within to the female after coupling, without being able easily to unloose, and undoe?"

It's true, you guys. I HAVE. It is the greatest thing I have ever seen. The best part is not the (AMAZING) questions I have posted above, but the questions that I remember from my first How Come book:

Q. FRom whence comes it that pictures to the life seeme to regard us, upon what side soever wee goe?
A. This same proceeds from our mooving, in as much as wee take no regard to that, but only to the picture; neverthelesse perceiving that there is a mooving in one action; wee attribute through errour of the sences, to the aspect of the picture, neither more nor lesse, then doe those which are sayling within a boate, they thinke it is not the boat which goes and remooves, but the shore of the water, the houses, and the trees, which they looke upon.

PS the answers to the first three questions are:

1. Because they have the conduits of their nose more shut, and more straight, and as it were taken and clos'd together.
2. In that their seed which they cannot thrust out, or consume by naturall heat, so well as perfect men, spreads through all their
bodies, and are moyst excessively, by which they have their cheeks blowne up, and their Paps great even as women.
3. Alexander Aphrodeisea saith, the cause is, that the bitch in her native waies is very strait, and the verge of the dog,
being swolne within, by the Ebullition of the spirits, he is hardly able to withdraw it after the coupling.

I seriously have to share this with the world. I'm dropping the enormous index in a comment. Pick a card!

( comments on Dreamwidth)

Mostly this post is about what happened to the fritourys herbes from yesterday. I bet you thought I was kidding about the mayhem! Oh, children, it's like you don't even know me. I do want to leave a brief note that I am two away from finishing the Use It drabbles (and will not be accepting any further requests.) And I am kind of really ready for the next iteration of the concrit meme, seriously, this time I will not be too chicken to put my name down, because boy do I need it.

( the exciting adventures of iron chef emma )

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In honor of my thousandth entry, have a truly typical entry from me.

The part where I talk about the nerdy academic stuff I've been doing: For this one horrible paper which will probably cause my death, I had to look up something in the journal "Arabica," and discovered to my delight that the issue in which the Sephardic responsa something something was published also contained an exploration of Arabic riddles and medieval Arabic detective stories. The Arabic riddle only enlightened me as to the existence of riddle criticism -- they are studying the empirical form of the riddle! The Platonic riddle as it were! Do all riddles contain oppositional terms? No! -- but the detective stories were awesome. A fisherman comes to a caliph because he's found a hand in a bag in a lake. The caliph is shocked, shocked, that there is someone who dismembers people in his caliphate -- "this is not sovereignty!" -- so he sends an agent out to look for the maker of the bag. They find out who makes the bag, asked him who he'd sold this particular bag to, and find the guy, who immediately breaks down and confesses. A sordid tale of love emerges. It's all very Sherlock Holmes, only if Sherlock Holmes was in charge of a kingdom.

The part where I link to things about social justice in the hopes that other, smarter people say things better than me: Things you can do about Question 1 in Maine, by sotto_voice

The part where I manage to take a simple household task that other people perform every day and turn it into a five-act comedy: So, I found this website earlier today. It is a medieval cookbook, basically, with recipes translated and resized for the modern era. I decided to make the recipe I linked you to (herb fritters) because I don't have enough oil in my day, and also, I don't know, it seemed like a good idea. This led to the following conversation (the part where I bring up Sares like you all don't already know who has a half timeshare on my brain)

EMMA: Oh, shit! I think I'm out of oil for my medieval fritters.
SARES: So, the genitive is pretty hilarious.
EMMA: I like how the "medieval fritters" doesn't even make you bat an eye.
SARES: Honey, it's you. Just don't burn anything down.
EMMA: Oh, come on, I'm frying dough. What could go wrong?
SARES: Do you listen to yourself?!

So, pop quiz! What went horribly wrong? Answers on a postcard.

( comments on Dreamwidth)

newredshoes did this a while ago, but with Shakespeare. I am much lower-brow. And also I have had this song stuck in my head for two days.

Pick a lyric below and prompt me with a fandom, character, or pairing. No promises on timeliness of completion. You know how I do.

1. The cat calls through the night
2. And two chicks in the parking lot crack wise on the price of fame
3. They stood to gain
4. The phonebook's been ripped off
5. And two shapes in the dark across the way know the price of flight: Margaret/William, Hazards of Love, seekingferret
6. Its weight and size: Civil War generals RPF, newredshoes
7. If you've got something that sheds some light
8. Use it tonight, tonight
9. Heads down, thumbs up
10. Two sips from the cup of human kindness and I'm shit-faced, just laid to waste: Harrowdown, pushingmetaphor
11. So wait here, wait up
12. Stock tips from the credit checks come next in the logic's line
13. And all on my dime
14. If you've got will and a little time: Jackathan, marina.
[Use it tonight, tonight]
15. You had to send a wrecking crew after me: Tony Stark, soda_and_capes
16. I can't walk right: steampunk Harrowdown, deutscheami
17. Phantom of the heart
18. Four beats from the parting lungs and mind: Katara, meej.
19. Since I was a child; just grew there wild
[So heads down, thumbs up]
20. Four beats from soft, and get set to exercise your right
[Use it tonight]
21. If there's a choice between a chance and flight, choose it tonight, tonight

BONUS NO CHILDREN FIC: I hope that our few remaining friends give up on trying to save us, Kirk/Spock/Uhura, for thingswithwings

( comments on Dreamwidth)

YOU GUYS. THIS IS THE BEST IDEA I HAVE EVER HAD.

I COMMISSIONED phoq TO DRAW WATSON FOR ME. AND IT IS ~*EXACTLY THE WATSON I HAD BEEN IMAGINING FROM THE RADIO PLAYS.*~ LIKE. EXACTLY.

( NEW WATSON LIKES BEING AWESOME. WE'RE VERY HAPPY. )

( comments on Dreamwidth)

Dear Yuletide Writer,

First and foremost, thank you so much for signing up to write for one of my hilariously small fandoms. I know that I take "small fandom" unusually seriously for a Yuletide recipient, and that I have offered you only one option with fic for it already in the Yuletide archive. (Gunnerkrigg Court.) I myself will be spending Yuletide wailing to the skies about whatever I'm trying to write, so, you know, I feel you.

Generalities. I have a confession to make: I almost always skim the porn. I know, I'm barely qualified for fandom! If you like writing detailed NC-17 style sex scenes, you are welcome to, because I will skim it with pleasure, but it's really in your best interests not to make it the only element of the story. Scat, watersports, non-con and ageplay turn me off, but otherwise kink's fine by me. What I really love, though, are slightly sweet, slightly violent relationship-revealing hijinks and/or adventures. Some other things I love: banter, weird identity issues, incompetent failed displays of emotion, talking past each other, good dialogue, women with agency, historical references, cons, heists, plans, pistols, swordfights, neckties, wonder, humor, cities, and robots. Further investigations into my interests can probably be carried out on my rec: book and rec: fic tags, and my previous Yuletide letters can be found on my yuletide tag.

I'm in Yulechat occasionally under the handle "Emma". I'll be hippoing, so make sure not to ask me to find you a beta.

I do strongly prefer slash for three out of my four requests this year -- but I have a somewhat broad definition of slash, ranging from homoerotic friendship to marriage in Vermont. I am fine with anything on the spectrum! You would honestly make me just as happy if you wrote the story where Amram and Zelikman share a bedroll on a cold night and nothing happens as if you wrote Zelikman going into pon farr. Anything that would fit at queerlygen would also qualify.

That said, let's start with the least specific request:

( to the specifics! )

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... I have just noticed that "skin is, my" has a notice on it, in very official terms, stating that it takes place AFTER the Iron Revolution. That is the exact opposite of the word I wanted to use. It takes place BEFORE the Iron Revolution; some six months to a year before.

I am curious as to what people think of this Reading of the Text, but mostly I just feel like a complete fool. I am sorry if I have ruined your characterization of the story because I am bad at prepositions, you guys.

( comments on Dreamwidth)

Day two of promo posts for Yuletide fandoms I can't request!

( City of Thieves, or, The Reason There's No Textual Gay Sex In This Book Is That It's Ostensibly Told To The Narrator's Grandson, Obviously )

( comments on Dreamwidth)

yuletide nominations:

Michael Chabon - Gentlemen of the Road
China Mieville - Un Lun Dun
Gunnerkrigg Court
Lackadaisy
The Temptation of Adam (song)
David Benioff - City of Thieves

I'm requesting the first four, which means I need to find other braver souls to request the second two. Which means: promo posts!

( The Temptation of Adam: music link, lyrics, possible directions )

( comments on Dreamwidth)

OKAY I AM SO SORRY I WILL STOP SPAMMING. But you should read this. thingswithwings on National Coming Out Day.

I did not make a Facebook post today that said "National Coming Out Day! News flash: I remain queer." This is why.

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Today, and this is a true story, I was on the phone to pushingmetaphor while she walked back from a rickety alley in the middle of the night, and as I got on the highway to go further into the San Gabriel Valley, a car merged in front of me with two feet hanging out of the trunk. I am choosing to believe it was a blow-up doll, but in honor of the event, have the next part of A Beginner's Guide to Practical Engineering. This is still all based on the eyai universe. And LA Confidential.

AND YOU THOUGHT WE'D FORGOTTEN ABOUT IT.

Warning for content, language, and a Google Maps knowledge of Los Angeles geography.

~~~

"You know," Katya says conversationally, "I like this apartment. Nice view."

She hears Irina snort behind her. "The elevator's broken. I'm less than impressed."

"Well," says Katya, "he has to be able to afford it somehow. Isn't that right, Sammy?"

( Officer Sam Tilden doesn't seem too interested in discussing the price of his real estate. )

( comments on Dreamwidth)

... I would definitely be more horrified about the Nobel Peace Prize thing if they hadn't already given one to HENRY KISSINGER and TEDDY ROOSEVELT. At least Obama hasn't ACTIVELY STARTED A NUMBER OF HORRIFICALLY RACIST WARS.

That said, I love you, Barry, baby, but WHAT THE FUCK?

( comments on Dreamwidth)

I call this post "things I do for attention."

1. Carmen Sandiego + Teddy Roosevelt HRPF. .... What?

2. I would say anekdot made me do this, and that's true, but mostly it's just true in the sense of the conversation going like:

SARES: Gee, I wish someone would write a funny song for our band to play on open m--
EMMA: OH WAIT DID YOU SAY THAT I SHOULD WRITE YOU THINGS BECAUSE I THINK THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID RIGHT
SARES: I -- I was talking about Robert --
EMMA: NONSENSE! WHAT SHOULD IT BE ABOUT.
SARES: Well, there was a joke about Brian's Korean drummer girl--
EMMA: RIGHT, I WILL WRITE A JONATHAN COULTON SONG ABOUT SOMEONE WHO FALLS IN LOVE WITH THE ROBOT THEY BUILD.
SARES: I really wish you'd find the caps lock key.
EMMA: IT WILL BE CALLED "INDIE ROBOT GIRL."

So, this is a song I wrote called Indie Robot Girl. It is at best demo quality. At best. One day I really should learn how to play guitar and/or sing.

( lyrics. they are about what you would expect )

( comments on Dreamwidth)

Elvis Perkins is excellent live in concert! It's interesting, I hadn't noticed how much the "in Dearland" part is like the Decemberists, but they have an upright and an organ and an enthusiastic drummer and horns and occasionally an accordion. Perkins himself is nothing like Colin Meloy but they do march through the crowd singing folk songs, so I will give him two thumbs up.

choc_fic is holding the inaugural 100 Days of Color festival, where you sign up for a character or entertainer of color one day between November 15th and February 22nd and post something about them -- fic, vid, fanmix, recs, icons, picspam, whatevs. I snagged Hikaru Sulu on my birthday and (if they let me) Wendy Watson on January 20th, both of which make me extremely excited.

In that vein, Release the Stars is incredibly sweet Academy McCoy/Uhura, by paperclipbitch. Kirk is as always kind of a show-stealer, but I love how young Uhura seems to McCoy, and the scene in the planetarium.

Also there's this fest called yuletide or something that's getting going? IDK, I think it's going to be super big, you guys!

( also also, today I cemented my reputation as class overread dickwad )

( comments on Dreamwidth)

Having wrapped the honorary Take A Walk in Toft's Discipline week (now brought to you by Emma's panic over her grades), and having segued very nicely with Pamela Dean's Tam Lin, I am now officially in honorary Pretend I'm newredshoes week. I'm on Book One of "The Good War" and will be talking about Studs Terkel and the war in question for the foreseeable future, with brief vacations into translating Attic Greek from a dictionary UChicago hosts because, well, it's a searchable scanned dictionary of Attic Greek from like 1920, who else was going to host it? The second story in Studs Terkel is about a USF student. For all I know he was living where my house would be.

The really horrifying thing is that I have to write a research paper about largely religious tolerance in Europe or the Ottoman Empire and there's this insane wealth of sources from the 18th century ... and ... I NEED YOU GUYS TO TELL ME I CAN'T WRITE A PAPER THAT JUST SAYS "LUTHER LEVY, HE'S MY BOYFRIEND," OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

In more important news:
* Roman Polanski should go to jail and I'm disappointed, but not surprised, that people would hallucinate that any other choice was possible. Instead of the list of shame, here are a list of people who have explictly said "fuck this noise." Bill Maher! Lexa Doig! Greg Grunberg! Kevin Smith!
* The Lambda Literary Awards (details on linkspam) have rearticulated their policies so that they only accept stories from LGBTQQI people. Cis straight people are not invited. This, shockingly, doesn't upset me much, I just wish this had been the clearly stated policy from the outset. This does upset a bunch of people, some cis straight and some LGBTQQI and ... lord almighty the nonsense that's coming out of some people's mouths. No, this is not just like apartheid. No, this is not just like having to wear a pink triangle. No, this is not just like that time a black lady was mean to you in the supermarket. Your pain does not move me. The only argument that even interests me is that idea that by self-segregating gay literature we're somehow not competing against the best of the best, and, well, my mom said the same thing about the Macabi games, and it's so not the point.

( comments on Dreamwidth)

Tzum kal, everyone. I am fasting, but I am not observing otherwise, largely because I have two papers to write and my keyboard broke last night. I had to go buy another one from Wal-Mart. I guess calling my computer Tony pretty much ensured that it would live perfectly for a year and then spectacularly crash and burn, but really now.

It turns out that after years of being a medievally obsessed fangirl who made marzipan even though she hated almonds, and then even more years of being like "Europe is boring," I am back to secretly, in my heart, loving medievalism a lot. I'm still planning to major in modern empire, but ... I have two papers to write tonight, and the one that's giving me shit is not the one about how Peter Brown Is Right About Everything, it's the one about how the Spanish-American War and WWI represent a "unified imperial moment." (My answer right now: propaganda.)

One of the joys of taking a medievalism survey course is that I know so many of these names from reading toft's entries over the years. So it'll be like, let me read Abelard's incredibly horrible whiny biography! And I will remember that Heloise is really into BDSM. Or I'll read Plutarch's life of Cicero and then read Petrarch's "but my boyfriend Cicero had his problems." Sorry, Toft, I know this is kind of creepy. But it's one of the things I love best about fandom -- quite apart from the free education in media and/or inequality studies I've gotten over the years, including citations and some of the classic works in full-text form, I have also gotten these wonderful long glimpses into disciplines I'd otherwise never get to explore. Shakespeare scholars. Victorian studies. Linguistics. Medicine. In delight's case, I have a working knowledge of the daily life of the EMT.

It's more than a little wonderful. That said, it also makes me feel phenomenally inadequate, because the problem with having a little knowledge in everything is that it makes me completely unaware of whether it's a truism or an absurdity to suggest that the Crusades grew out of a crisis of freedom, and am I even using the phrase crisis of freedom right? and should I be doing anything this structuralist anyway? and how much emphasis should I be putting on Teddy Roosevelt in the other paper, what if he comes for me, what if he finds me on his moose?!

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